It was about 2 years ago this time that I began to receive an ongoing series of reports from our doctors of problems with the pregnancy.
At the end of 2011, Dec 31, our baby was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, Edward's Syndrome and we were faced with the awful option from our doctor to abort. We chose not to.
On Valentine's Day, Feb 14, 2012, I felt our baby move for the last time. A sonogram confirmed her death that night. I was just of few days shy of being 6 months pregnant.
Two weeks later, I returned to the hospital to deliver our dead baby. My husband stayed at home to care for our 2-year-old son that night and I slept alone in my hospital room.
The next day, on the way home from the hospital, we stopped at the municipal funeral home to fill out the papers for her cremation. I sat in the funeral director's office in my pink cardigan and pink shawl sort of numb to it all.
I think about our baby, Rebecca Grace, often, almost every day. We scattered her ashes on the hills behind our house where the communication towers stand. I can see them from our bedroom window. I chose that place to help me remember. I don´t want to remember all the pain in the grief....but I do want to remember her. I especially think of her when others ask how many children we have and I answer "one." Sometimes they say, "Maybe you'll have a daughter next." If they only knew....
Today, I ran across a blog entry that reminded me of this experience and of my precious daughter. It was written by Nancy Guthrie, an author who has lost not one but two children to Zellweger Syndrome. It was just some thoughts about Halloween and how it stirred up thoughts of the burial of her daughter. It also is a reminder of the truth that those who "sleep" in the dust will one day awake.
The link to the blog entry is here. I wanted to make a note of it so I can come back to it again at a later date.
