Dialogues

Just jumping around tonight on different topics related to Trisomy 18 and somehow found this song by Chris Rice, "Baby Take Your Bow," which probably had nothing to do with Trisomy 18 when it was written...but it sounds like a sweet song of release of a child who has gone home to heaven early. 

I´d like to develop more conversation, more dialogues, WITH Rebeca (although she´s no longer here.) I think it would help me process more. I feel like I did know her more than anyone else because of her movement while in the womb....but I didn´t get to know her for very long, so relationship with her and relating to her takes more work.  

This song helps me to think more about who she was and who she might have become. It aids my ongoing desire to celebrate her and my my eventual need to release her to Jesus´ almighty care. It facilitates my communication toward her. I´m not ready to let her go yet. I feel like I haven´t even grabbed hold of her yet....but I´ll get there one day.

"Baby Take Your Bow" by Chris Rice

We´re gonna miss your song and dance,

The way you made us laugh;

And we´re so glad we had the pleasure for a while,

But on the other side, you´ll find a better audience.

Just be yourself and you can´t help but make the angels smile.

Baby all the world´s a stage.

Playwright pens your final page

And then He brings your curtain down.

So blow us your kisses and drench our eyes.

We´ll rise to our feet to wave goodbye for now.

So baby take your bow.

The world is lovelier because you had your moment here

And we could see a friend of heaven in your face

And in your song we heard the longing for a distant shore.

Now your time has come to go

And so be on your way.

Baby, all the world´s a stage.

Playwright pens your final page

And then He brings your curtain down.

So blow us your kisses and drench our eyes.

We´ll rise to our feet to wave goodby for now.

So baby take your bow.

Your show is over now.

It´s time to lay your burdens down.

So baby take your bow.

Another gift that had a great impact on me was a letter to her mother written from the point of view of baby who has passed away, a message of love from baby to mommy. This was sent to me by another mother here in Spain who lost her son to Trisomy 18 just after he was born. This Trisomy 18 mommy sent the message to me 2 days after I found out that Rebeca Grace had died. (I have included my English translation here with the original Spanish version below.)

Who knows what the real Rebeca might have said to me...but I can take this as a model and imagine her little heart and all the freedom she must be experiencing now. I receive it as an encouragement and a reminder that she was a real person and that I will meet her again one day, face-to-face.

Mommy, 

I´m writing to tell you that I am fine. I am complete. I took off the costume of a body that I wore and now I am light, like a little sun. I don´t need a body to feel you. I see from my heart. Words are not necessary. Now I see the immense love that there is in you and in all beings. I am outside of time. I don´t measure whether my time with you was short or long. For me it was just precious. My stroll through life was just as it should have been. I came to learn and to teach others.

And you, Mommy, what have you learned after all of this? When I left, everything seemed dark to you, but I made sure that my love would be the light that illumines your heart for always. Now you are going to begin to see tht you are very strong. You still have so much to give during your lifetime. There are souls that love you and need you. You are full of love to give. 

The best gift you can give me is to not hide and waste your life, crying, lamenting over why I am not there. I don´t want to come back. I am full of peace. I don´t need you to dress yourself in darkness nor to walk around in sadness. If you are, it´s only because you are thinking about your sadness or your pain; but beyond, where I am, there is only happiness and love. 

Each morning I want you to think, "The world needs me. I´m going to give testimony TODAY of the love I feel for my daughter. I will be brave and I will try to move forward, sharing all the light that I can."

Your life has great meaning. I know that your great pain will slowly, slowly be transformed into a true miracle. The caterpillar wasn´t born to be a caterpillar nor to grieve its great pain, hidden in its cocoon. The caterpillar gives itself up to love. And the GOD who is love ensures that this creature that dragged itself heavy and upside down will soon fly freely and discover the beauty of life. 

I know that not a day will pass when you don´t miss me. I know that you will think of me again and again. I know that these dates each year will be difficult....but I love you! LIVE! Breathe, feel, converse, give love, laugh, become a little girl again! I hope that my departure doesn´t fill your life and transform you into a shadow of what you once were when we were together. You are in the world. You have a mission to complete. Never forget that you are unique and irreplaceable.

Mamá:

Te escribo para decirte que estoy bien, plena. Me saqué el disfraz de persona. Ahora soy luz, como un pequeño solcito. No necesito cuerpo para sentirte. Veo desde mi corazón. Ya no me hacen falta la palabras. Ahora veo el inmeno amor que hay en tí y en todos los seres. Estoy fuera del tiempo. No mido si mi tiempo contigo fue corto o largo. Para mí fue precioso. Mi paso por la vida fue tal como debió ser. Vine a aprender y a hacer aprender a los demás.

Y tú, Mamá ¿qué has aprendido después de todo esto? Cuando me fui, todo te pareció oscuro, pero yo me encargué que mi amor fuera la luz que iluminara tu corazón para siempre. Ahora vas a comenzar a ver que eres muy fuerte. Pues, tienes mucho que aportar allá en tu vida. Hay almoas que te aman y te necesitan. Tú estás llena de amor para dar.

El mejor regalo para mí es que no te escondas y "desperdicies" tu vida, llorando, lamentándote porque no estoy. Yo no quiero volver. Estoy llena de paz. Yo no necesito que te vistas de oscuro ni que andes triste. Si lo estás, es que sólo piensas en tu pena o en tu dolor. Pues, allí donde estoy solo existe alegría y amor. Cada mañana piensa: "El mundo me necesita. Voy a dar testimonio HOY del amor que siento por mi hija. Seré valiente y trataré de seguir adelante dando toda la luz que pueda."

Tu vida tiene un sentido. Tu dolor enorme sé que se va a transformar lentamente en un verdadero milagro. La oruga no nació para ser oruga y quedarse llorando el dolor, escondido en un capullo. La oruga se entrega al amor de cuerpo y alma; y ese DIOS que es todo amor hace que ese ser que se arrastraba pesado y cabizbajo pueda volar liviano y descubrir la belleza de la vida. Sé qu eno existiría un día en que yo no te haga falta, que me recordarás a cada rato, que las fechas te van a costar. Pero yo te quiero. VIVA. ¡Respira, siente, conversa, entrega amor, ríete, vuelve a ser niña! Que mi partida no te llene la vida y te transformes en una sombre de lo que fuiste cuando estábamos juntas. Tú estás en el mundo. Tienes una misión que cumplir. Nunca lo olvides que eres única y irrepetible.