I took him to playschool and, for the first time since September, he did not cry this morning when I took him to his classroom. (He wasn´t elated to go...but he was not crying.) I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that we saw 2 little green-haired clowns with red noses on the way this morning.
Everyone here is preparing for Mardi Gras here and it´s a big deal at the schools and even the playschools. There are parades and other festivities all weekend. The littlest ones even dress up. Tomorrow, Aaron will dress up like a duck. Although I got to prepare his very simple costume, unfortunately I won´t get to see him in it. Ruben will have to take pictures.As I entered into his classroom....I was crouching down to help Aaron put on his smock, and all of a sudden, at least 5 or 6 of the children circled around me, greeting me, saying "hello" with big smiles. It was sweet and kind of funny that it happened this way...."They must want some extra attention," I thought.
One of the little girls even carressed my hair for several seconds. "How sweet. What a blessing." I thought. Later I thought, "Could it be that they know?" Of course they don´t know. Their parents don´t know. I know that Aaron knows something because he´s been extra sensitive since our visit to the hospital, holding my hand more, wanting/giving me more hugs; but even if Aaron understands it, he´s not old enough to comprehend it completely, let alone explain it to the other 2-year-olds. Then I wondered, as I sometimes do, if there´s some other supernatural, sensitive world in the world of children, things they sense without even really knowing what it is. :-) Regardless of what it is, the Lord used the little ones to send a fresh sense of hope this morning.
While Aaron was at playschool I went shopping for a few items...mostly looking for some comfortable clothes to have for the hospital visit. I wish I would have bought some fuzzy slippers. I forgot to look for fuzzy slippers.
One thing I did buy was a pink water bottle (similar to the one pictured here.) One of the things I´ve missed, really since I was pregnant with Aaron (3 years ago!), is going running. I ran some when Aaron was small, pushing our off-road stroller; but it´s so heavy that it wasn´t super motivating, especially with all the hills. During this pregnancy, I have often thought, "I can´t wait to be able to get back to running." Of course, it´s easy to say that. When the time actually arrives, the motivation isn´t always there. I bought this pink water bottle and decided that I´m going to run for Rebeca Grace. She will be my motivation. She´s free now. She has a new body. She´s running and playing in heaven. And so I will run again...and soon as it´s physcially possible and I will celebrate her freedom. And the water bottle....well, it´s a pretty, pink water bottle that will remind me not to wallow in sorrow, but to run on...for her and with her!There have been many phone calls on my cell phone and here at home today. I answered one call this morning that came while I was in a store. Just before the phone rang a new round of tears had started. I tried to regain composure and made it almost to the end of the phone call...but then couldn´t talk anymore. So, I haven´t picked up the phone anymore today. If you´ve called, I hope you´ll understand. I just don´t have a great desire to talk right now. I just want to be alone with Aaron and Ruben.
I just ran across a website with stories about miscarriage. I have just done a quick read of one of the stories, but haven´t even read thoroughly yet....but I thought it might be good to share here, in case you want to read what someone else has written about losing a baby. I want to go back and read it more closely later.
In case you're wondering, I have to be at the hospital tomorrow at 8:30 to start the process of inducing delivery. I may write more tonight. I may not. I'll be back though.
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