Putting All Your Eggs In One Basket?

This is our little girl. We haven´t discussed a name for her yet...but I would really like for her second name to be Grace. We´ll see what we decide.

This image was not easy to come by. I finally got this picture on our 4th sonogram appointment because I specifically asked for it. I had had 3 other sonograms done, each appointment getting longer and longer as the doctors began to discover more and more problems. By the third appointment, the room had become filled with 5 or 6 different doctors  (or some kind of medical personal, all women, by the way) looking, whispering, being a little too nosey for my preferences.

At any rate, there was not a single moment where they asked me if I wanted an image of the baby. Maybe they assumed that since there were so many problems I wouldn´t want a picture. Maybe it´s a difference in cultures. Later, a Spanish friend explained to me that it is VERY taboo to talk about death here. I can be kind of obstinant sometimes...but my thought was, "Regardless of her health and development, why wouldn´t I want some kind of image to remember and appreciate this little one?"

During these early days following the Trisomy 18 news, I´ve been reticent to speak with those around me about the situation because I haven´t wanted to be negatively influenced by a limited perspective. I want to stay positive. I want people (the physicians, our neighbors, our family) to see more of who God is as we walk through this process....and yet God has asked me twice through 2 different people if I can really do this if my view of Him is at best hazy and at worst incorrect....

The first asking moment came 2 days ago when our pastor José Luís, who married Ruben and me, and was with me in the ICU after my car accident, and his wife Eva were in town and they dropped by in the morning for a quick visit to talk about this latest challenge. They were here for just an hour...they were gracious and kind and listened until I had said all I had to say for the moment. (Ruben missed the visit because he had worked the night shift and was sleeping.)

When I had finished, José Luís, quite gently asked me if I had considered, in my prayers, asking the Lord for healing....It was a little convicting and a good reminder that God REALLY IS bigger than everything and hindered by nothing.

The second asking moment came today. In response to my latest message to a group of close friends, one of the ladies, who is ont he other side of the ocean and has never met our pastor, asked me if I´d conisdered asking the Lord for the impossible to heal this baby within the womb.

Honestly, among the things I have asked for, I have not really considered asking for complete healing from Trisomy 18 because it seems like such a final diagnosis. She has Trisomy 18 and that is it. She´s going to die and that´s it. There´s nothing that can be done. I´ve believed that way because, from all that I have read, this syndrome affects every cell of the baby´s body, from its very beginnings. Since chromosone 18 carries a lot of important information about the body´s growth and development, having an extra 3rd chromosone 18 confuses her development throughout her entire body.

Until now my prayers, mostly silent and whispered in those very few quiet moments that I have to reflect, have been for mercy, for wisdom and for grace and comfort to make it through this upcoming horrible experience, knowing that it will surely end in premature death....admirable, but a bit narrow, if God really is as big as He says He is.

My question for the pastor was, "How do you ask and truly trust for complete healing and also protect your heart from complete disappointment and devastation if God chooses not to heal the baby here on earth?" "I don´t want be a fool before God and others by putting my hope in something that He is not going to give." The pastor understood and added that he didn´t want to creat false hopes...but simply wanted to remind me of the true character, power, glory and "almighty-ness" of our God. Keep it even in mind! Scripture says, "nothing is impossible with God."

This morning, almost by accident, I found this Scripture which speaks of investing in many ventures....

"Ship your grain across the sea;
   after many days you may receive a return.
Invest in seven ventures, yes, in eight;
   you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.
If clouds are full of water,
   they pour rain on the earth.
Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north,
   in the place where it falls, there it will lie.
Whoever watches the wind will not plant;
   whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.
As you do not know the path of the wind,
   or how the body is formed in a mother´s womb,
so you cannot understand the work of God,
   the Maker of all things.
Sow your seed in the morning,
   and at evening let your hands not be idle,
for you do not know which will succeed,
   whether this or that,
   or whether both will do equally well."  --Ecclesiastses 11:1-6

So, my desire today is to earnestly seek God and pray for His will, which could include the possibility of healing...it must not be ruled out completely because it is within the realm of His power, His goodness, His glory.

While I´m still not sure how to find the balance of praying with great faith without demanding things from God, what I DO know is that I do not know what will happen. So, my prayer investments or prayer ventures must be prayed, not staring into the face of the Trisomy 18 facts, but rather in light of the FULL character of God (not merely selected aspects of His character), holding out my desires loosely and completely abandoning myself to Him and His goodness. 

Would you consider sowing a variety of seeds with me regaring God´s will for this little life? I´ll be happy to have your company on this journey. :-)